A Beautiful Sort of Messiness

I’ve always envied those whose decisions seem to come easily. Although taught to question by my parents, the need to weigh multiple options sometimes feels like a burden…especially when the choice is not clear. I also carry the fault of impatience…yet this is one place it probably serves me. I force myself to weigh choices, but I dislike a lack of decisiveness. So, although a bit slower than the average bear, once I’ve made a choice, I need to go in that direction…now. That is the spirit that lead me here…and carries me through missing my family. But for the next steps…my decisions are still being arranged, considered, and weighed.

One of my all time favorite books is “Messy: The Power of Disorder to Transform our Lives”, by Tim Harford. Besides being a fascinating read into the downsides of too much order and predictability, it actually lived up to its name. My life has been transformed by what I learned in that book. Specifically, it taught me…my lifelong fear that my inability to follow through on a plan sequentially reflected my ineptitude…was in fact not founded. That book freed me to take a step back to see the truth…that although not always completed in a straight line…I do in fact complete tasks. It has given me the confidence to trust in a timeline that unfolds in its own unique way; thus, giving me the confidence to not have to force things happen…and instead when possible wait for the whispered cue to proceed.

For example, I spent this whole week focusing solely on me. I’d allowed myself this gift…knowing that there would be a decompression required going from full-on mommy mode to solo/business mode. It gave me exactly the amount of time I needed to create a comfortable space in my apartment, and establish the most important habits to nourish my body, mind, and soul.

In the meantime I have caring individuals anxiously waiting to find out if I’m “taking action” and “reaching out”. The truth is…I’m not ready. One reason is because my vision is still taking place. I need to know what I want this gym to look like. Coming down here, I thought I knew. Yet, in the meantime I’ve been presented with options…and some are worth considering.

  • Will this need to be a store-front studio, like so many in this area? Or will I get lucky and find one of the few 3000 sqft spots?

  • What does the service mix need to be? PT Studio; PT and small group; CF classes and PT?

  • What’s the dominant philosophical drive? CF; OPEX; Level Method; my own?

To help, I’ve set up appointments this week with CF boxes in the are who all have slightly different takes on these question. Yet even as I make them, I hear the whisper of an answer already forming. These visits will serve more as reinforcement and affirmation to what I already know…but am not ready to claim..

Rebecca Boskovic